


Check Your Local Listings

by mrs_d



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Shenanigans, Featuring Stephen Colbert, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 12:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11185137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_d/pseuds/mrs_d
Summary: “You can always blame Colbert.”





	Check Your Local Listings

It started in the laundry room.

Steve woke up early — before the birds even, which, yes, included Sam — and couldn’t get back to sleep. Since it was still too dark to do much else, he gathered up a couple loads’ worth of dirty clothes and headed down to the basement. There was only one pair of machines, since there were only three units in the building, and the small room was empty this time of night. But, when he opened the washer, he was surprised to see it was full of faded band t-shirts and baby clothes.

“Jann,” he muttered with a smile.

She was their downstairs neighbor, a single mom at 21. Steve liked her a lot; she reminded him of some of the girls he knew back during the war — she was tough as nails and willing to let nothing stand in her way. He and Sam babysat for her a few weeks ago when she had concert tickets, and her sister got the flu, and Steve came down with something that Sam called _baby fever._ Needless to say, Jann and her baby were some of Steve’s favorite people.

He wondered how long ago her load had finished. He reached in, found the clothes were stone cold — safe to assume that she forgot them, then. He transferred them to the dryer, used his card to start the machine, and then began his own. With a yawn, he settled on the faded armchair in the corner of the room and took out his book.

An hour later, he switched his own load over, and, after a moment’s hesitation, folded Jann’s. He figured he wasn’t doing anything anyway, and he could save her some time. He’d just finished up with the last onesie when the door swung open and Jann stepped in, her hair a mess above sleep-smudged makeup and her baby, Charlie, on her hip. She started in surprise at the sight of him.

“Sorry,” he said while she caught her breath.

“It’s okay,” she replied. The baby fussed a little, but Jann bounced her until she quieted down. “I just didn’t expect anyone to be— you put my stuff in the dryer,” she interrupted herself. “And you folded it.”

“Yeah,” said Steve, embarrassed. “Sorry, I just— uh, I swear there wasn’t any underwear.”

Jann huffed out a laugh. “You honestly think I’d care if there was?”

“Uh, well,” Steve began, but Jann waved him off.

“Thanks,” she said. She looked down at her feet, turned around. “I forgot the basket,” she concluded with a sigh. “One sec, I’ll be right back.”

“I can carry them for you,” Steve offered, as she pushed open the door. Jann looked at him over her shoulder, hesitating for a second before nodding and leading the way down the hall.

“Place is a mess,” she warned. “But I’ve got coffee brewing if you want some.”

“Sounds great, thanks,” Steve replied. Charlie gurgled, and Steve shifted the stack of clothes in his hands, so he could wave at her. He made a funny face while Jann unlocked the door, and beamed when the baby laughed at him.  

“Is he being silly?” Jann asked Charlie teasingly.

“A little,” Steve admitted, following her inside. “Where do you want these?”

“Oh, anywhere,” Jann replied carelessly, so Steve set the pile down on the cluttered dining room table and took a seat. Jann offered him the baby — Steve accepted, of course — and went into the kitchen to get their mugs. She chattered while she did, telling Steve about how Charlie spent most of the night fussing, which explained her falling asleep and forgetting about the laundry.

“So many people have told me, _Sleep when they sleep,_ but I was so wiped it wasn’t even a choice,” she concluded, sinking heavily into the chair across from him, clutching her coffee like a lifeline.

“You know,” Steve began after a pause. “If you ever need another night off, if you want, we’d be happy to babysit again.”

Jann smiled up at him and shook her head. “You guys really are perfect, aren’t you?” she sighed.

Steve chuckled, embarrassed again. Thankfully she changed the subject a second later, telling him about the late-night television she’d been watching last night. Charlie started crying halfway through the conversation, so Steve didn’t catch everything Jann said, but it was still nice to visit with her.

When their coffee was finished, he refused a second cup and got to his feet. His laundry would be done now; Sam would be waking up any minute, and Steve hadn’t left him a note.

“So, hey,” Jann said, taking his arm as Steve was about to step out into the hallway.

Steve turned back, found her surprisingly close to him. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” she said seriously, and she raised herself up on her toes to kiss his cheek. He stepped back, startled. Her cheeks were as pink as his felt, but her eyes were serious. “On behalf of everyone.”

Steve blinked. “Uh, thanks,” he replied. “I’ll see you later, Jann.”

“Later, Steve,” she said, sounding more like herself.

When Steve looked back from the laundry room door, she lifted Charlie’s arm to wave at him. He smiled, confused but still polite, and got his laundry. The whole way up to his floor, he wondered how he was going to explain this to Sam.

* * *

Sam was puzzled by Jann’s kiss, too, but he wasn’t upset, and he didn’t seem jealous, either. In fact, he seemed to find it funny, though he acted more serious when he saw how important it was to Steve.

“She’s just friendly,” he concluded, after Steve told him everything, awkward and fumbling and blushing to high heaven. “If it makes you uncomfortable, though, just say so next time you see her. No need to make a big deal of it.”

“Okay,” Steve agreed, but he was still worried.

They went for their run, same as ever, and Sam didn’t seem to change his mind about the incident. Still, after Steve lapped him three times, he decided he’d treat Sam to breakfast at their favorite diner, just in case. He waited for him by the willow tree, like he always did, and watched the streets get busier with morning commuters. Some joggers approached him as they went by, which was something that happened sometimes, but today it seemed like there were more than usual. And, oddly, a lot of them asked him for hugs.

He shrugged it off and hugged them — he had it on good authority that he was a good hugger, and he really didn’t mind. More friendly human contact in the world was a positive thing, after all.

But when a young man named Derek asked him if he could kiss him, Steve had to take a step back.

“Hey, whoa,” he said. “That’s—”

“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” Derek replied. “Pretty weird, huh?”

“Um,” said Steve awkwardly. He caught sight of Sam coming around the corner and bit his bottom lip. “I just don’t think my partner would like that too much.”

Derek turned, saw Sam as well, and nodded. “Fair enough. Well, you can always blame Colbert.”

“What?” said Steve, but Derek was already walking away.

“Later, Cap,” he called over his shoulder. “Thanks!”

“Sure, uh, you’re welcome,” Steve stammered.

 A second later, Sam came up, sweat staining his t-shirt. “Who was that?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

“A fan, I guess,” said Steve, shaking his head. “And I don’t know. This has just been a weird day.”

Sam nodded. Again, he seemed to find something funny about the situation, but he wasn’t sharing what it was. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

Unfortunately, the day only got weirder. Maria called them in before they could do breakfast— apparently there was some kind of minor emergency — and the whole way to New York, strangers gave Steve big smiles, blew him kisses. There was more bashful asking for hugs, a few selfies, some autographs. Steve gave them, chatted with people, and sent them away, one after another, until he felt his patience starting to wear thin.

“Here,” Sam said finally, and he held out a pair of sunglasses and a ball cap, seemingly from nowhere. “Sit back, put in your earbuds, and avoid eye contact,” he advised.

“Thank you,” Steve practically moaned, and the rest of the trip was much more pleasant.

When they got to Maria’s house, she was the only one there. “Steve,” she greeted him, smiling a little more than usual as she shook his hand and pulled him in to kiss each of his cheeks. The gesture surprised him, but it was also somewhat familiar; he’d spent a lot of time in France during the war, after all.

“Where’s everyone else?” he asked, deciding not to make a big deal out of it — Maria had spent a lot of time in Europe, too.

“On their way,” Maria replied. She nodded at Sam. “Thanks for coming.”

“What, no kiss for me?” Sam asked. Maria pressed her lips together and shook her head. It seemed like both of them were trying not to laugh now, which confused Steve immensely. He was about to ask when Rhodey blew into the room, with Pepper and Tony in tow.

“There he is,” Tony announced with a huge grin. Pepper hugged Steve, kissed his cheek — that was almost normal, so no problem there — but when Rhodey and Tony each seized one of his shoulders and did the same, Steve just had to ask.

“What the hell is going on today?”

“He doesn’t know yet,” Rhodey said, half like a question. Maria shook her head again, still seeming on the verge of giggles, and Tony’s grin widened impossibly.

“This is _fun,_ ” he crowed, and he and Rhodey wrapped an arm around Pepper, who kissed each of them in turn. Steve looked to Sam for an explanation, but Sam was chatting with Maria now, and was of no help whatsoever.

There was a distant rumble of thunder overhead, but when the door swung open again, Natasha and Bruce were there, Vision and Wanda not far behind them.

“Steve,” said Natasha, crossing the room towards him in three long strides.

“Nat,” Steve answered, relieved. She would explain it, surely. “Do you know why—”

Before he could finish the question, Natasha’s lips were smooth and cool, pressed hard against his. Sam made a small, amused sound at his side — a sound that he repeated, more loudly, when Bruce did the same. 

“Captain,” said Vision from somewhere to Steve’s left. Steve turned to look for him, but Wanda snuck up and pecked his flushed cheek. “I beg your apologies, but I will not be kissing you, grateful though we may be for the sacrifices you made this day in the service of peace and justice.”

“Okay, sure, that’s fine,” Steve managed to reply, still gaping at all of them. “But I don’t—”

Another crack of thunder, this time followed by a bright flash. The door burst open, bringing in a blast of wind, unseasonably cold for June.

“Steven,” Thor bellowed, and the next thing Steve knew he was being hauled into the air, whiskery lips against his.

“All right, that’s enough,” Sam said suddenly. Thor put Steve down. “I’m goddamned married to him,” Sam went on, “it’s my turn.”

With that, Sam grabbed Steve and kissed him, hard enough to erase the traces of everyone else’s mouth on his. Steve couldn’t help slipping his tongue out to catch Sam’s familiar taste. Sam cupped the back of his neck and tightened his grip on his hip for a long delicious moment before he pulled back, leaving Steve slightly breathless.

“Okay?” Sam demanded, glaring at everyone in the room. Then, inexplicably, he laughed, and everybody else did, too.

“Sam?” Steve said in confusion, and Sam kissed him once before letting go and heading over to Maria’s television.

“You got it queued up?” he asked. Maria nodded. “Sit down, baby,” Sam added, and Steve went to the couch without question.

Everyone gathered around him, but they left a space at his right side for Sam, who joined them a second later.

The show began with a comedic sketch that didn’t make much sense to Steve, followed by a voiceover that announced that this was _The Late Show with Stephen Colbert._

“Colbert,” Steve repeated, remembering what the young man at the park had said earlier. “What is this?”

“You’ll see,” Sam assured him.

Steve frowned but didn’t comment on the fact that he still didn’t know why they were watching it, or what it had to do with anything that had happened today.

“And lastly,” the comedian on the screen said, coming to the end of his monologue. “Tomorrow is a very special day. It’s June 6th, the anniversary of D-Day—”

“Oh,” said Steve softly. “I can’t believe I forgot.”

Sam’s hand tightened on his, as Colbert gave a little history, and explained that his uncle had served in the 101st airborne, and had gone in eight hours before the landing to cut wires behind enemy lines.

“Colbert,” Steve said again, thinking back. “I think I knew him.”

“That’ll get you on the show for sure,” Tony muttered, already texting someone. He half-yelped when Rhodey took away his phone and handed it to Pepper.

“Shush,” she told Tony.

“So,” Colbert continued, “I want each and every one of you tomorrow to find a World War 2 vet and give them a big kiss to say thank you. Okay? Can you do that?”

The audience cheered, and Colbert went through the guests for the night, and Sam paused the show. He turned and looked at Steve. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath.

“I see,” he said slowly, nodding. “Well, thank you. I guess.”

“Hey,” cried a new voice from the doorway — a voice that Steve would know anywhere. He turned to find Bucky looking outraged, his mismatched arms crossed over his chest. “How come nobody’s kissing _me?”_

**Author's Note:**

> On June 6th, Stephen Colbert said [this](https://youtu.be/hAPqNZK7Xms?t=25s), and I got a very silly idea....


End file.
